My Journey Begins

Hello everyone, 

I am a 33 year old bisexual man, married to a woman, who loves to cross-dress, but hasn’t been able to in almost 12 years. When I was younger, I experimented with dressing up when I was home alone, at one point I toyed with the idea that it was something more serious to me than just dressing up, but determined quickly that I was not transgender, I just really loved the feeling of wearing woman’s clothes.

As I grew older and begun to have more serious relationships, I found less and less time in which I could dress up and eventually completely phased it out of my life for a while. I still had the occasional urge, but I buried it as best as I could. Lately, I have not been able to shake the strong desire to dress up again. But the problem is that I have no safe place in which I can dress or even a place where I could hide my outfits from my wife as I do not feel she would be supportive of my desires. I ended up renting a PO Box that I can have clothes shipped to and started a slow journey to collecting a new wardrobe. Just a few items here and there, one cute dress, but mostly some jeans a couple of blouses and a pair of breast forms that I got cheap on Amazon.

My biggest problems are that I am quite large and hairy, (6’2, 320 lbs., with a 52″ waist and size 12 shoes.) Then, if you have you ever seen a picture of the wrestler George the Animal Steele? My chest, back, behind and legs are about as hairy as him. Due to my living situation, it’s impossible to do anything about removing this hair, especially since my wife loves the hairiness. 

As I grew more into doing this again, I started questioning whether I was just a crossdresser or if there was more to my identity that I had not considered. When I was about 19, I saw a therapist who specialized in gender identity, but did not go for very long as I didn't really have a good connection with her. I ultimately decided that I was not transgender; my reason for this decision was that I felt that I enjoyed sex too much. Even though I had never been with a woman yet, I spent plenty of time taking care of myself over the years since puberty. I had read quite a bit on the internet, for the little that was easily available in 2002, and I saw plenty of posts about how most girls hated sex and loathed their male genitalia. While I certainly didn't "love my penis," I utilized it enough to think that enjoying it ruled out my potential transgenderism. While I continued to struggle with my identity, I pushed that idea as far out of my head as I possibly could.

As I got back into this life over recent months, I found a few online support forums, two of which I try to be active in, but one especially, Crossdresser Heaven, has helped me in ways that I never thought imaginable. I have made several new friends from all over the world and can't imagine a day without posting on their forums or participating in their group chat. As I read posts from other girls like me, I realized that my sexuality and sexual history, doesn't necessary mean anything regarding my gender identity. 

I have recently also started seeing a therapist, and hope to further learn more about myself and discover who I truly am deep down, and hopefully allow whoever that is to come out of hiding.

I guess that's about it for now, I hope to try and post as often as I can as I grow more into this lifestyle and make some discoveries about myself.