Reigniting the Educational Passion

A mysterious fire was lit inside of me recently, and it threw me through a giant loop and began a semi-obsession towards trying to find my true calling.

In order to fully detail this newfound passion, let me first give a little backstory on my most recent time as a student. After a few years in the liberal arts, I decided to switch up my major towards Psychology; I had always had an interest in the field, but never really considered it as a career. Due to my lifelong obsession with the macabre, that included a love for most things crime based, I decided to enroll in online classes with an emphasis on Forensic Psychology. I highly enjoyed the subjects, and did great in all of my classes, spending multiple semesters on the Dean's list.

Unfortunately, I started dealing with some health issues that forced me to put a halt on my studies and by the time I was healthy again, while the passion still existed, the aspirations had faded and I allowed myself to give in to laziness and complacency, therefore, I chose not to reenroll and condemn myself to potentially being stuck in the world of retail for the rest of my life. As the years passed, I occasionally considered going back to school, but I could never reignite the passion that once filled my heart. That is, until a recent event triggered a dream which would awaken the enthusiasm inside of me.

Recently I had attended a BBQ hosted by the wonderful family who run the Transgender support group that I am a part of. Anybody who knows me and my story, know how important this group and its members are to me, and more so, are aware of how they have continued to inspire me to be a better person and find the truest parts of myself. The women who run the group have aspirations to create a bigger project, a Resource Center that would help members of the local transgender community with anything they would need, whether medical necessities or even legal advice.

During the BBQ, a young trans girl and her family were in attendance, she was new to our community and it excited many of us to not only see a new member joining us, but of course, it's always heartwarming to see someone so young whose parents are supportive of their gender identity and willing to do whatever they need in order to be there for their child. While I don't know anything about this girl's story, I came to witness an event that took place during the party. Something happened that led to her becoming increasingly upset, and our group leader took this girl and her family into a separate room for what could only be described as a group counselling session. As time passed, it appeared that whatever was the matter had been resolved, at least temporarily, and the group rejoined the party without further incident.

Fast forward to that evening, long after the party had ended and I was back at home, comfortably asleep in my bed. Suddenly, I was back at the party, deep in conversation with a group of friends when our group's leader came out from the room where this counselling session was taking place. She approached me and asked me if I could assist her with a situation and led me into this room where the young girl and her family sat. The dream then faded out of this location and I suddenly found myself sitting in an office, small but comfortable, a modest desk sat in the corner, and a few cozy pieces of furniture rounded out the room. Not much happened during this portion of the dream, and soon the office faded away and I slowly awoke from this dream, back in my bed, arm draped over my wife and for a brief moment, it was as if I forgot who or where I was, the sleep clearing from my mind.

It was 3:00am, I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but I felt like my mind was spinning at 100mph as the events of the dream lingered on my memory. I grabbed my phone and typed a few quick notes into my email before sending it to myself (I often due this whenever I need to later remind myself to research something) and feeling like I at least partly relieved the nagging feeling inside, I was able to drift back to sleep and finish the evening without interruption.

The next day, I awake with a determination to get myself moving in ways I hadn’t felt in years. I settled in at my computer and began my research into available online Bachelors programs with an emphasis on psychology and social work, I dug deeper into each program I found, looking for courses in gender studies and even found some that specifically referenced topics that included LGBT. I requested information about a few programs, and now, I wait for contact, desperately hoping that 1) I find the school with the course offerings that meet my new goals; 2) I can manage to afford any possible school enrollment that I may choose to proceed with; and 3) that at 35 years old, it's not too late for me, that I haven’t missed my opportunity to make something out of my life in a career that truly matters.

I guess now, only time will tell, hopefully soon I'll have a plan in place and can begin working my way towards becoming a gender therapist, working with members of the Transgender community, especially kids, helping them in ways that sadly, so few of us have been helped when we were those ages. Being a person of trust, an ally within the community, a mentor, and even a friend, as they find their identities and begin (or continue) their journey to becoming their true selves.